Today

I wrote a blog for our church's Women's Blog and thought I would share it on my blog as well so here you go!

Today

So if anyone knows anything about me at all, they know that I am a planner. I like to plan out my days, weeks and yes even my life. I know that planning and organizing is one of the great qualities that God put in me to help raise four little boys up under Him while keeping a sound mind. However, I also know that this is one of my main struggles when it comes to letting God be in control of my life and realizing that my life is not my own.

About ten months ago we adopted a little two and a half year old boy named Shannon. Adoption had never really been in the “plans” of my life. I wanted to have lots of kids of my own and be a stay at home mom but I had never planned on adopting. Ironically the weekend before I met Shannon my husband and I were driving home from Amarillo and the conversation of adoption came up. He asked me if I ever thought I could do it. I immediately said no and really didn’t give the conversation much though until that next Wednesday. I was keeping a friend of mine’s kids and she had called and told me that they had unexpectedly gotten an emergency foster care child and could she bring him over with her kids that morning. I told her yes, not knowing that my life was about to change forever.

The second he walked in the door I could feel something drawing me to him. I had never even met this child yet I felt something there that I couldn’t explain. It wasn’t 5 minutes after my friend left that God spoke to me, as clearly as I have ever heard God speak to me, that this little boy was going to be my son. I tried to shake it off since not even three full days ago I had just told Colton that I would never adopt. Plus I could hear how that conversation of, “honey I know I just said I didn’t want to adopt but I think something within the three days we talked and now I have completely changed my mind…” I thought he would think that I was crazy. But the longer he was there the more I knew that I had indeed heard the Lord and needed to act. So as bravely as I could I picked up the phone and boldly hinted that I might think I could change my mind about this whole adoption thing and that there was this sweet, precious boy in our home that I was really falling in love with. Colton listened and responded not knowing how serious I was that I knew this was going to be our child. I didn’t tell him then that I wanted to adopt just kind of beat around the bush that I really liked this child. Then 5 minutes later, I dropped the question of I think we should adopt this little boy like any big conversation should be had with your husband…over an email. I didn’t know how he would respond but I should have. Colton is the world’s best man at hearing the voice of God and moving immediately without question which is exactly what he did. He called me and told me if God was telling me to adopt then that is what we were going to do. He then told me to call Mike Walton and see what our next step needed to be. Well that is when the craziness began and the next three weeks were a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows that I still remember to this day. We got certified faster than any other family had ever been certified for an adoption because CPS told us we had to move fast, just to have him ripped away the day before we were completely finished with training. I began questioning God and what I had heard asking Him why he would have us go through all of this to just take Shannon away from us. Then God moved again like He always does, placing Shannon exactly where he needed to be, with us again, in our home, forever this time.

Now you may be thinking why did you title this blog today? Well that would be because although God did place Shannon in our home and move on my heart about adoption and work everything in a perfect plan the way he always does, this has been the hardest thing that I have ever done in my entire life. I would go as far as to say that since the day we got Shannon we have not had one easy day since. He has challenged my life in every way possible. Good, bad and ugly. I have had emotions that I didn’t even know I had and they keep coming. I know that God has big things planned for Shannon’s life but sometimes that is hard to remember when you are in the middle of huge battles and there seems to be no light at the end of tunnel, which leads me to today.

Since I love to plan, I like to plan on forever. Recently the struggles we have had with Shannon have been so big that I started feeling completely overwhelmed and the thoughts of, can I do this forever, have been constantly on my mind. The other day I was having quiet time crying out to God about all of Shannon’s struggles and how tired I was and why again he had asked me to this and I couldn’t do it for forever. God stopped me and said, “No you are right you can not do this forever.” That made me stop and think. Well then why did you give him to me God? And He replied, “I didn’t ask you do this for forever. I asked to do this for today. Pray that for today I give you the strength you need, that today I give you the peace you need, that today I give you the love you need, that today I give you the faith you need, that today I give you the joy you need to make it through today. Today. Just pray for today.” And ever since then every morning I have prayed for today and God has brought such a peace to my life that I don’t have to plan for tomorrow, or next week or for sure the rest of my life, because he will give me what I need for today. And today seems so much more manageable trying to plan for the rest of my life.

So if your life seems too big right now and you can’t see how you could do this for any longer, just pray for today. He will give you what you need for today and that is enough. And the most comforting thing that I can hear in this season.